Discovering that your partner is having an affair can be an extremely devastating moment and there are many things that you might feel. You could be in denial because there is no way that this person who means so much to you has deceived you like this. Anger over being lied to and cheated on physically and emotionally is a very common reaction to have. A tremendous sadness might overtake you because your entire reality and how you view each other is going to change. There are several different ways that someone can react when they find out their partner is having an affair. According to Tammy Nelson, the author of The New Monogamy, there are three different phases a couple goes through after the discovery of an affair. First is the crisis phase, followed by the understanding phase, and lastly the vision phase.
I am going to talk a little bit about the first phase. The crisis phase is what immediately follows the discovery of an affair. This is where you will be flooded with intense emotions and question everything you knew about your relationship and each other. It will feel as though your world has been turned upside down. Sometimes it will seem like everything is ok and other times, it will not. It may feel like these feelings are not something that you can recover from, but they are. Please know that at least two-thirds of couples get through an affair and it doesn’t have to break your relationship.
It is important in this phase of recovery not to make any harsh decisions about ending the relationship. This is just the first step in the recovery process and it is in this phase that you will go through a grieving process. You will have to reshape how your relationship works. The affair changes how you both feel about each other, any plans you might have had, and any ideas you had about how your future would end up. You’ll also have to determine what details of the affair are important for you to know and if certain details will just make things worse. Once you have had time to grieve the loss of what your relationship was and what you thought it would be, you can begin to move forward.
Knowing that you need help coping and recovering from this affair is the first step. Get the help you deserve, contact us today to start on your road to recovery.
Also stay tuned for more blogs on affair recovery!